It must be a long time since I wrote in here because I hardly remember how to navigate the site.
Time certainly moves slowly during lockdown though doesn’t it? I remember when lockdown was first announced and I was chatting to my flatmates about it. I said “what, so our lives are just going to be working and then nothing else that’s fun at all?” At the time, I genuinely couldn’t fathom such a reality. Yet here we are. I think the last time I wrote here I was really hating my job. As there wasn’t anything to counteract the frustration I felt with work (because there wasn’t much I could do to distract myself from it) it meant my overall mood was low. I certainly felt trapped. Luckily, my job has since improved – I’m currently working on an extremely interesting and important project – so my mood has also improved. I’m grateful to still be employed. It’s a privilege not to be worried about money or my health as many others are. My feelings of frustration are still valid though, sorry not sorry!
There’s something that’s been on my mind this past couple of weeks though. In my post “You know what we call that? Growth.“, I talked about how it had been a journey for me to accept that travelling was my goal, and that it was okay. Just as I had finally accepted that, Covid happens and suddenly my goal is completely unattainable. Talk about moving goalposts…
However! I’m not going to whine about it.
Japan will have to wait. It’s not going anywhere. I still have the money I saved up for it. I’m eligible for the Working Holiday Visa for another 3+ years. So it’s a plan I will come back to in a year or two. Since making the decision to go (almost a year ago), I have been in limbo. Physically here in London, but with my sights, imagination and ambitions firmly in the land of the rising sun. And who would have thought; it’s been quite a rubbish way to live. It’s been the reason I’ve held back on my life in London in so many respects. Well, no more. If I’m not going to Japan, then I’m staying put in London. Wholeheartedly.
I’m not the kind of person who can just ‘be’. I need to have some kind of goal to strive towards. With my goal being blocked by a big ugly virus for now, I need to find something else to aim for to keep me sane. What, enjoy each day as it comes you say? Never! No can do.
Finding something to work towards during a pandemic and global recession however is not gonna be easy. Any suggestions?